It's us!!

Recently, a friend of mine shared an experience with me that she and I both found puzzling, interesting, and disturbing all at the same time.  She apparently caught the eye of a guy who, by the way, she had also been checking out.  His approach?  He walked up to her, handed her his card, said “Use it”, and walked away.  

She was so unimpressed she used it to help add weight to the nearest trash can.

While this was my friend’s experience, we’ve all had something similarly crazy happen to us.

Maybe the guy who approached her thought he was being very cool and mysterious.  Instead he came across as a jerk.

I’ve blogged before about guys and how they’ve fallen waaaay short on how they approach us.  So I think we need to finally talk about how we encourage this bullshit.

My sisters, what the hell are we doing?  The guy who approached my friend, the man I met in the supermarket, the brotha you met at the club, all need to get their assess in gear.  When we settle for second best, we can’t be surprised when that’s what we get.

I can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard a man say “You’re too demanding!”  I always think “Really?” It’s too demanding to expect you to act like you have some damn sense?  What the heck is handing your card to a woman and saying “Use it”?  

The problem?  Some woman with low self esteem felt flattered by Mr. Here’s My Card.  She should have done what my friend did.

Let’s get something straight! Don’t believe the bullshit that there aren’t men out there who at the very least know how to approach you!! The problem isn’t the man.  The problem is you.  There's no need to ask yourself why you keep ending up with these guys that can’t cut the mustard.  It’s because you keep accepting them.  You’re going where they are!!

You love art.  You find going to the museum relaxing and inspiring.  You want someone who enjoys that too.  I’m not trying to suggest that the guy you met at the club doesn’t also enjoy those things, but the guy you met at the art museum is a better bet if that aspect is very important to you.

I think you need to take a step back and re-evaluate yourself, and what’s important to you in a partner.  You want a handy man? Don’t look at the guy who tells you he intends to call his building superintendent to change the standard light bulb in the bathroom. You want to be treated like you’re special? The guy you’ve been seeing since July, who can’t even give you a $50 gift card for Christmas is a losing bet. 

We want guys to step up their game? We have to step up ours! The first step in doing this is asking yourself: Are you worth it?

I think you are!  I think we are!! But you have to believe it! If you think the thug in the jersey and matching sneakers hanging on the corner is the best you can do, then that’s all you’ll get.  

There are better men out there!  We just have to know where to look.