PUT THE RAG ON IT!

Ever had your shoes polished by the Shoe Shine Man?   I’m not talking about the shop where you can drop off your shoes and pick them up later.  I’m talking about the Shoe Shine Man where you sit in the seat with your foot up on the foot rest.  Have you ever watched him work?

When you sit down, the Shoe Shine Man applies the polish paste to the shoe using a soft rag.  He does so in small circles, not smearing or slathering it on.  He’s working the polish into the leather, because it has conditioners and other things to help nourish and protect the leather.  Once the polish has been applied he grabs his brush and begins to vigorously buff your shoe; again, working the nourishing and protective qualities of the polish into the leather.  You’re thinking, “WOW!  My shoe is looking good now!”    

But he’s not finished! 

The Shoe Shine Man reaches into his back pocket – I don’t know why its always in his back pocket – and whips out a rag.  WHAP!

He puts that rag on that shoe like piranha in a feeding frenzy.  WHAP!

Even spanking it a few times.  WHAP! WHAP! 

When he’s done putting that rag on it your shoe has a mirror finish.

A new lover wanting to cage you is a similar process.  No really!!

Let’s say you really really like this new guy you’re dating, and the sexual attraction between you two is getting hard to resist.  So one night you stop resisting and the sex is ALL that.  Hooray for you! You’re living in the moment, and doing your happy dance! Your guy tells you he wants the two of you to be exclusive and to see where this thing goes.  (That’s man speak for: I’m not going to be around to put a lock on it so I need you to lock it down for me.)  Otherwise, just get to it buddy!

Your new lover, your new Shoe Shine Man, polished and buffed the hell out of your shoes.  You’re feeling confident and mighty sexy.  You are moving through the world to the tune of dick! The hormones flowing through your system are going to drive your body to hunt.  To hunt, quite frankly, for more dick.  (Yeah, its a little crude but you’re a grown-up so deal with it!)

Now for some women that buffing is just fine, and they can be good until the next time the Shoe Shine Man pays them a visit.  BUUUT, not all women. 

Stop whining and I’ll explain why! 

Some women will never be corralled by a man who isn’t around to put the rag on the shoes he buffed!

Let’s say you got your shoes buffed Friday night.  You thought he was sleeping when you snuck into the bathroom Saturday morning to freshen up.   Like he’s gonna believe you wake up with minty fresh breath!  (But, you know how we do.)  Well, he wasn’t asleep.  He saw the extra sway in your hips that even you hadn’t noticed.  He knows he did a fine job and needs to put the lock in place.  He reaches into his back pocket for the rag!

Saturday morning, you’re his breakfast treat.  WHAP!

Saturday night he takes you out for dinner and dancing.  You’re against the wall in a bathroom stall.  WHAP!

Sunday, its against the wall in your living room.  WHAP!

Monday you meet him for lunch.  You’re on the hood of the car.  WHAP! WHAP!

 

Tuesday, you’re bent over the sofa.  WHAP! WHAP!

Wednesday, its his kitchen table. WHAP!  WHAP! WHAP! WHAP! WHAP! WHAP! WHAP!

I know you get the picture because you’re panting and your eyes have glazed over!

When your Shoe Shine Man put the rag on it, he was satisfying your body’s need to hunt.  You’re prancing around throwing off all kinds of physical and chemical signals into the ether and catching the attention of other men.  With a sassy “How you doin?”  YOU ARE WIDE OPEN! (In case you were wondering: That’s why it seems like other men suddenly become interested in you after some man has buffed your shoes.) 

A smart Shoe Shine Man, and yours is pretty smart, can’t have you moving through the world to the tune of dick.  You’re liable to do something stupid!

NOPE! He needs you moving through the world to the tune of HIS dick. 

When he’s done your body will have all kinds of muscle memory.  The chemicals you emit into the ether will be comingled with his.  A signal to other men that someone has already locked you down and caged the tigress.

And you?  Your mind will be clear.  Laser focused.  Not clouded by the hormonal changes in your body.  Your co-workers will be wondering what’s gotten into you.  They’ve never seen you work so efficiently.  Your trainer will be stunned.  No whining about burpees from you.  He asked for 25 and you gave him 50.  You can do the NY Times crossword puzzle in 3 minutes flat.  YOU’RE A BEAST!

And with your body tamed and your mind clear, you are now open and able to explore the possibilities of a new, and hopefully, lasting relationship.

 

So, how is your Shoe Shine Man?  Has he put the rag on it? Or are you hunting?

PUT YOURSELF OUT THERE!

You make New Year resolutions every year.  In the past, some are started but then set aside for one reason or another, and some have been forgotten within hours, okay sometimes minutes, of having been made.  A recurring resolution for you these past couple of years has been that you're going to date more.  It always seems like you get caught up in just everyday life stuff.  The house.  The kids. Work.  Something always gets in the way, or you convince yourself that you need to wait until the time is right.

"But this year is going to be different! DAMMIT!!  There will always be some new drama or some new fire that has to be put out.  I'm going to make right now the right time!  I'm going to put myself out there!!"

THAT'S THE SPIRIT! HOORAY FOR YOU!!

So far your plan is in full effect! But now that operation "Put Yourself Out There" has commenced, you're faced with a dilemma.  "How far out there are you willing to go? And what does that even mean?"

Maybe you should put on the brakes in your plan until you figure it out?

DON'T BE RIDICULOUS!!!

You don't know how far out there you're willing to go because you haven't seen whats offered.  You need to think of this as a  new adventure.  Don't implement your plan with the goal or even hope of finding your soul mate.  That's precisely how many of us end up in relationships that are unhealthy and a waste of time.  Having given our hearts to someone who doesn't deserve it.  BUMP THAT!!

Implement your plan with the goal of learning about you.  You'll be surprised to learn that you don't know you as well as you think you do.

For you, camping meant roughing it at Motel 6 while eating gas station hot dogs.  You went camping when you were a girl scout, and you failed to see the wonder of it then, and nothing has changed.  But a new......ummmm lets call them Adventure Interests......a new Adventure Interest loves the outdoors. Pitching a tent and fishing are his favorite activities.  He convinces you to go camping with him. You have been trying think of a way out of it.  Looks like you're stuck.  He takes you to a beautiful spot overlooking a lake.  The sunset is amazing.  And the fish! He used some herbs he'd brought with him, wrapped the fish in a leaf, and roasted it over the camp fire.  It was the best damn fish you ever tasted!! And then you really learned just how much fun sharing a tent can be! "WOW! Camping isn't so bad when you're with someone who knows what they're doing." :-p

Another Adventure Interest is into auto racing.  You are soooo not interested.  Just some cars driving really really fast in a circle.  You'll pass.  But he's really cute, funny, and sexy as all get out.  Your libido convinces you to accept his invitation to join he and the crew in the pit. (Lets be honest men aren't the only ones who sometimes don't think with the head on their shoulders!) You can help out!   (OY VEY!!) He's excited that you're going to be there, and you're hoping for a hurricane.   The experience is nothing like you imagined.  You didn't get a chance to sit down the entire race.  The pace was frenetic!  There was always something that needed to be done.  And the pace would get kicked up a notch when the car pulled in for fueling and what not.  That evening you and your team (because that's how you think of them now) go to a local dive for the best steak you ever had.  You had such a fantastic time that you're going with them to a race in South Carolina next month.  WOOHOO!!!

So, "putting yourself out there" should mean opening your mind and world to new experiences.  Let life happen and live it to the fullest!! Your soul mate will find you along the way.  With any luck you'll learn to love something new that you can share with family, friends, or even you next Adventure Interest.
 

REALITY CHECK

As life would have it, you’re always going through something.  There are always difficulties, stresses, drama, or even just simple annoyances.  The events in your life could range from worrying how to feed your children to not being able to find the scarf that matches your blouse.

Some of these things are caused by external factors beyond your control, and some by you.  Some the result of your own actions and thought processes. 

Take relationships for instance.  Your partner or significant other is not the person you thought they were.  As a result, the relationship cannot last.  If you stay in it it will destroy you.  You’re hurt and disappointed.

What if some of the hurt and disappointment is of your own making? 

Yeah, I’m playing devil’s advocate here but stay with me.

Your hurt and disappointment may be the result of your partner or significant other not living up to the “idea” of them that you fabricated in your own mind. A fabrication they neither asked for nor encouraged.

Your car seems to be running a little hot. Your husband should check the oil and coolant levels, or take it to the shop.  He should do these things because he’s “the man” and it’s his responsibility to take care of and provide for you.  In your mind, this perfect husband would say “Here babe you take my car and I’ll take yours to the shop.”  

You’ve been watching waaaay too many Tyler Perry movies!

That man didn’t put oil and coolant in his car until the engine overheated and started smoking.  The check engine light in his car came on and he ignored it until the car finally died on the side of the road.

And you think he’ll take care of yours? REALLY?

This is a mild example of what we sometimes do, but it makes my point nonetheless.  You attempted to imprint the “idea” of that perfect husband on to someone far from perfect.  That potential to be the person you want or need.  YOUR idea!

You’re hurt and disappointed because you fail to accept that man the way he is.  You ignored the signs, or thought you could mold him into what YOU want him to be.  The fact is, you knew what you were getting.  No matter how hard you wish on it that cubic zirconia in your hand will always be a cubic zirconia.  It will not magically become a diamond.

I’m not suggesting that people can’t change! I’m not suggesting that the right person can’t make another want to be better.  Do better.  But that man has never tried to elevate himself to your fantasy levels.  If he never cared about your sexual gratification after 2 years of bumping uglies while you were dating, how on earth can you still be holding that over his head after 17 years of marriage?  He should look at you like you’re crazy!

So, as you take stock of the relationship, ask yourself if some of his perceived failures or shortcomings are more the result of your “idea” of him.  You may even find that if you’d accepted him just the way he is from the very beginning, you probably never would have married him.