Accept Who and What He is!!

This blog may be directed more to my friend W and S, but there are things we all need to remember.  

W:

BACKGROUND: She has a tendency to build an image of whoever is her latest love interest that is far from reality.  The bus driver becomes head of the depot.  The garbage man becomes the Director of Maintenance.  

If you – that means W and any other woman – can’t accept a man with whatever profession he may be in, then leave that man alone because nothing he does, or is, will ever be good enough for you.  If your man is making an honest dollar, be glad for him.  If he’s a bus driver tell folks he’s a bus driver.  In fact, it’s nobody’s business what he does for a living.  When you build this image that’s disconnected from reality, any disappointment is just that much more profound.

W, you were quick to tell everyone that your new love interest is a high school teacher and head of his department.  We now know, thanks to S (I’ll get to her in a minute), that he is in fact a janitor.  What? You have a problem with janitors?  If I am to believe the other stuff you’ve said, that man is good to you.  He treats you with respect.  Why can’t you treat him the same way? If the janitor isn’t good enough then let him go so that he can find someone who’s happy to have a good man who happens to work as a janitor.  The truth is, the insecurity is with you.  If you are unhappy with where you are professionally or socio-economically then do something about it.  Stop putting that kind of pressure on an unsuspecting guy.  When you try to build him up in the eyes of your friends you then want him to perform on that level.  Get a grip!!

S:

WHAT THE HELL IS YOUR PROBLEM?? Your life is so empty that you have time to investigate somebody elses man?  You aren’t even in the same damn state! Then, you have the audacity to start making phone calls to let people know what you learned.  We all know how W is.  But she has to deal with that man! Not any of us! And that includes you!!

What do you care if he’s a teacher or a janitor? Are you jealous? Are you afraid that she may have actually met a good man, who happens to hold some "high professional" position,  who cares for her?

Like me, you’re single, looking for Mr. Right. Focus on your own life! W will have to deal with her own problems and insecurities.

If you need something to do, investigate this: I’m having an affair with Barack Obama.  There was no cigar involved.  He used a cucumber instead.

We’ll wait for your damn report!!

WHO'S TO BLAME?

A couple of weeks ago, a friend asked me a question after presenting an interesting scenario: A woman, married several years, is sexually unsatisfied.  This woman had 2 lovers (and not exciting ones) prior to her husband, and has taken a lover now 15 years into her marriage.  Sex with the husband is a come to the bedroom and 5 minutes later they're done, kind of deal.  The new lover is trying to navigate through tough waters with someone who for all intent and purposes is inexperienced.  While engaged in a conversation with a mixed crowd – i.e. boys and girls – our woman stated she wasn’t sure she’d ever had an orgasm. (As an aside here, if she isn’t sure she’s ever had one then chances are she hasn’t.  We tend to remember things like that!)

As you can imagine, the blame game divided completely along gender lines.  

The question to me: Whose fault is it our woman has never had an orgasm?

In order to get past the gender gap we need to deal with certain truths – after all that is what this blog is about.  First, as long as a guy’s wiener can feel the friction he will have an orgasm. Secondly, we require a bit more.  Our orgasms have a very large and very powerful mental component.  

So let’s explore some possibilities. 

This woman could be the victim of selfish lovers.  5 minutes!! Hell even a quickie should be longer than that!  There’s nothing wrong with a quickie now and then, but one would expect the husband to want to enjoy his wife for a hell of a lot longer than 5 minutes.  See, if I were a different kind of woman, I’d tell her that the next time he calls you to the bedroom push him down on the bed, mount him, find the angle and rhythm so that you can get yours real quick (even a small one), climb off him, and leave the room.  See how he likes it!!  REVENGE!! BUT! I’m not that kind of woman.  (We’ll pretend anyway. :-D)

Maybe her head isn’t where it needs to be – remember that mental component.  She may be too preoccupied with other things.  “Should I touch him there?” “I wish he’d kiss me.” “Is he enjoying himself?”  “Did my son do his homework?”  “Oh God, I forgot my daughter’s school trip is tomorrow and I have to make her lunch!”  “Do we have peanut butter?”

Perhaps the real gap here is a communication gap.  Sex is about communication!  It is one of the few acts in which we communicate with our entire body and all of our senses.  If the communication is lacking, or the message muddled, then the experience is compromised.  She and her lovers could be communicating in two different languages.  You know, the men are from mars women are from venus thing!

So, whose fault is it our woman has never had an orgasm? Her husband’s!! You look shocked.  Let me explain.  

We know this woman is not the most experienced person, so perhaps her communication is muddled.  She may have never learned to conquer her nerves, and so doesn’t take the initiative to make sex a more pleasurable experience for herself.  But she should be comfortable and even uninhibited at this point, with her husband.    DAMN one would think he’d have taught his wife to communicate at least with him!  His utter lack of passion with his wife is depressing.  His sexual communication is “I don’t care if I please you I just want to get mine.  You’re a place to dump my sperm.”!! 

If she can’t count on him, after 15 years of marriage, it’s not surprising she’s taken a lover and hopes for a better sexual experience.  (I’ll leave it to others to debate the moral issues.)