PUT YOURSELF OUT THERE!

You make New Year resolutions every year.  In the past, some are started but then set aside for one reason or another, and some have been forgotten within hours, okay sometimes minutes, of having been made.  A recurring resolution for you these past couple of years has been that you're going to date more.  It always seems like you get caught up in just everyday life stuff.  The house.  The kids. Work.  Something always gets in the way, or you convince yourself that you need to wait until the time is right.

"But this year is going to be different! DAMMIT!!  There will always be some new drama or some new fire that has to be put out.  I'm going to make right now the right time!  I'm going to put myself out there!!"

THAT'S THE SPIRIT! HOORAY FOR YOU!!

So far your plan is in full effect! But now that operation "Put Yourself Out There" has commenced, you're faced with a dilemma.  "How far out there are you willing to go? And what does that even mean?"

Maybe you should put on the brakes in your plan until you figure it out?

DON'T BE RIDICULOUS!!!

You don't know how far out there you're willing to go because you haven't seen whats offered.  You need to think of this as a  new adventure.  Don't implement your plan with the goal or even hope of finding your soul mate.  That's precisely how many of us end up in relationships that are unhealthy and a waste of time.  Having given our hearts to someone who doesn't deserve it.  BUMP THAT!!

Implement your plan with the goal of learning about you.  You'll be surprised to learn that you don't know you as well as you think you do.

For you, camping meant roughing it at Motel 6 while eating gas station hot dogs.  You went camping when you were a girl scout, and you failed to see the wonder of it then, and nothing has changed.  But a new......ummmm lets call them Adventure Interests......a new Adventure Interest loves the outdoors. Pitching a tent and fishing are his favorite activities.  He convinces you to go camping with him. You have been trying think of a way out of it.  Looks like you're stuck.  He takes you to a beautiful spot overlooking a lake.  The sunset is amazing.  And the fish! He used some herbs he'd brought with him, wrapped the fish in a leaf, and roasted it over the camp fire.  It was the best damn fish you ever tasted!! And then you really learned just how much fun sharing a tent can be! "WOW! Camping isn't so bad when you're with someone who knows what they're doing." :-p

Another Adventure Interest is into auto racing.  You are soooo not interested.  Just some cars driving really really fast in a circle.  You'll pass.  But he's really cute, funny, and sexy as all get out.  Your libido convinces you to accept his invitation to join he and the crew in the pit. (Lets be honest men aren't the only ones who sometimes don't think with the head on their shoulders!) You can help out!   (OY VEY!!) He's excited that you're going to be there, and you're hoping for a hurricane.   The experience is nothing like you imagined.  You didn't get a chance to sit down the entire race.  The pace was frenetic!  There was always something that needed to be done.  And the pace would get kicked up a notch when the car pulled in for fueling and what not.  That evening you and your team (because that's how you think of them now) go to a local dive for the best steak you ever had.  You had such a fantastic time that you're going with them to a race in South Carolina next month.  WOOHOO!!!

So, "putting yourself out there" should mean opening your mind and world to new experiences.  Let life happen and live it to the fullest!! Your soul mate will find you along the way.  With any luck you'll learn to love something new that you can share with family, friends, or even you next Adventure Interest.
 

REALITY CHECK

As life would have it, you’re always going through something.  There are always difficulties, stresses, drama, or even just simple annoyances.  The events in your life could range from worrying how to feed your children to not being able to find the scarf that matches your blouse.

Some of these things are caused by external factors beyond your control, and some by you.  Some the result of your own actions and thought processes. 

Take relationships for instance.  Your partner or significant other is not the person you thought they were.  As a result, the relationship cannot last.  If you stay in it it will destroy you.  You’re hurt and disappointed.

What if some of the hurt and disappointment is of your own making? 

Yeah, I’m playing devil’s advocate here but stay with me.

Your hurt and disappointment may be the result of your partner or significant other not living up to the “idea” of them that you fabricated in your own mind. A fabrication they neither asked for nor encouraged.

Your car seems to be running a little hot. Your husband should check the oil and coolant levels, or take it to the shop.  He should do these things because he’s “the man” and it’s his responsibility to take care of and provide for you.  In your mind, this perfect husband would say “Here babe you take my car and I’ll take yours to the shop.”  

You’ve been watching waaaay too many Tyler Perry movies!

That man didn’t put oil and coolant in his car until the engine overheated and started smoking.  The check engine light in his car came on and he ignored it until the car finally died on the side of the road.

And you think he’ll take care of yours? REALLY?

This is a mild example of what we sometimes do, but it makes my point nonetheless.  You attempted to imprint the “idea” of that perfect husband on to someone far from perfect.  That potential to be the person you want or need.  YOUR idea!

You’re hurt and disappointed because you fail to accept that man the way he is.  You ignored the signs, or thought you could mold him into what YOU want him to be.  The fact is, you knew what you were getting.  No matter how hard you wish on it that cubic zirconia in your hand will always be a cubic zirconia.  It will not magically become a diamond.

I’m not suggesting that people can’t change! I’m not suggesting that the right person can’t make another want to be better.  Do better.  But that man has never tried to elevate himself to your fantasy levels.  If he never cared about your sexual gratification after 2 years of bumping uglies while you were dating, how on earth can you still be holding that over his head after 17 years of marriage?  He should look at you like you’re crazy!

So, as you take stock of the relationship, ask yourself if some of his perceived failures or shortcomings are more the result of your “idea” of him.  You may even find that if you’d accepted him just the way he is from the very beginning, you probably never would have married him.