DREAM KEEPER

As the end of the year approaches, you’re making a mad dash to finish shopping for gifts.  There’s chatter all around you about plans for New Year’s Eve.

Soon you’ll also be thinking about those pesky New Year’s resolutions.  You know, those little promises and goals that you make, but may never fulfill or meet.  I think I’ve come up with a way for each of us to have better success. 

The steps I intend to suggest center around your “Dream Keeper”.

What’s that?

Your Dream Keeper is that special place you keep your most precious (or sought after) hopes, dreams, goals, prayers, whatever.  This could be your diary/journal, prayer box, vision board, even the well worn envelope you keep in the top bureau drawer.  Whatever it is, and wherever it is, it’s your Dream Keeper.

STEP 1: REMOVE THE CLUTTER

Before we begin to really make our Dream Keepers work for us, we need to edit them.  I know some of you may have had your Dream Keeper for years, and the idea of having to edit it doesn’t give you the warm and fuzzies.  But it’s essential!

Positive energy has difficulty moving through clutter.  That’s any clutter; your house, your car, your office, your Dream Keeper.  So, we have to remove the clutter if we want positive energies to flow. 

Ecclesiastes 3:1 and 6 state:

“(1) For everything there is a season, and a time for every purpose under heaven. . . .(6) a time to seek, and a time to lose, a time to keep, and a time to cast away. . .”

By removing items from your Dream Keeper that have been achieved, or are no longer needed or wanted by you, you make room for the positive energy to flow more easily around those dreams or goals yet to be realized.

Editing your Dream Keeper will also help to keep you focused on those things most important to you.  I bet you’ll find things in your Dream Keeper that will make you wonder “What the heck did I want that for?” or “I must have been drunk when I put this out there!”  Unless you remove these items, they will continue to draw energy from other items contained in the Dream Keeper. 

Do you have negative items in your Dream Keeper?  Sounds crazy doesn’t it?  But the truths are (1) you’re only human; and (2) the universe is a living breathing entity that magnifies  and reflects the energy released into it.  You’ve had some emotional upheavals in your life, and you may have put something out into the universe that you really didn’t mean to.  Now’s your chance to reel that in. 

STEP 2:  ADD, UPDATE, AND AMEND

Now that you’ve cleaned up your Dream Keeper and removed the clutter, it’s time to update it.  Just as you’ve removed unwanted or unneeded items, you can add new things to the Dream Keeper.

Your Dream Keeper still contains your desire to take a cruise to the Bahamas.  Well you did that last year, and had a blast.  Now you’d like to cruise the Mediterranean! So you can remove the Bahamas cruise and replace it with the Mediterranean cruise.

You put in your Dream Keeper that you want a job paying more money. A rather generic request.  Since then, you’ve identified which job/position in particular you want.  So amend your Dream Keeper to reflect that.

Get the picture?!

STEP 3:  ELEVATE

Ok!  Your Dream Keeper has been edited; and you’ve added to it, updated and amended it.  Now elevate it! Give life to it!

I’ve stated before that sometimes in order to receive your blessing God needs you to do something.  He needs you to make use of some resource he’s put in your path. 

I believe we can elevate our Dream Keepers by noting the steps we need and intend to take to receive the blessing of achieving a goal or making a dream come true.

For example: If the better paying job/position in your Dream Keeper requires you to have some additional leadership training, then make a note of it in the Dream Keeper.  This way, you get to hold yourself accountable when you don’t do the things you know need to be done.  You can give every excuse as to why you can’t go back to school right now.  No money.  Child care.  But what excuse do you have for not taking advantage of the leadership training classes being sponsored by your employer; for free; on the premises; during your regular work hours.  Heck, you can’t even say your supervisor wouldn’t approve your attending the classes because you never asked permission to attend.

While I’m encouraging you to include in your Dream Keeper the steps you think you need to take to fulfill your dreams, I must also warn you to think things over very carefully.  Sometimes when we think we’re helping, we’re just getting in God’s way.  Like when you bought that house you know you couldn’t afford.  Hoping you’ll get to work a lot of overtime so that you could make your mortgage payments every month.  That kind of decision was made by you getting ahead of God’s plan for you. 

So think about your steps very carefully.

STEP 4:  REVIEW

You don’t have to wait till the end of the year to review the items contained in your Dream Keeper.  In fact, you should make regular reviews of the Dream Keeper.

Clear as much clutter out as you can, as fast as you can. 

Keep the energy flowing! Review the steps you may need to take for each Dream Keeper item.  This will allow you to see the progress you’ve made, or whether you’ve stalled.

So for each prayer, each dream, each set goal, what are you prepared to do to get there? God needs to know you’re ready to receive your blessing.  That you’re willing to work for it! Ready to EARN it!!

2012 was good for you. 2013 will be even better!!

Bad Timing

Your ever heard the phrase “timing is everything”? 

My New Jersey folk know it snowed here a couple of days ago.  It wasn’t a lot of snow, but it was wet, heavy and slushy.  And it was also very very cold outside. (Brrrrrr!!)

What had happen was, I was shopping in Walmart in Watchung and found myself in a very polite conversation with the guy in line in front of me.  You ever notice how easy it is to laugh with a stranger when you’re standing in line at the cash register? You talk about everything from the weather to the kids to food prices, whatever.

I noticed my register buddy was handsome and wasn’t wearing a wedding ring.  He had the salt and pepper thing going on in his beard, and very nice lips.  He didn’t have “those lips”.  You know the ones that make you fantasize about parts of your anatomy.  But nice lips none the less.  His jeans were very flattering to his rear, and his turtleneck and sweat shirt hugged a broad chest and nice arms.

 OK, so I did more than just “notice”! J

He pays for his stuff, tells me to have a great holiday and goes on his way. 

I pay for my stuff and head for the exit.  You know how some Walmarts have two sets of doors? Well it turns out that the door I was exiting from was the furthest from where I was parked.  Great, now I have to trek to the other side of the parking lot, in the frickin snow, with no umbrella, and its cold as heck.  As I’m making my way across the parking lot, I see my register buddy walking up one row of cars looking around. He yells to me that he’s forgotten where he parked.  We both laugh and keep doing what we’re doing.  I manage to find my car, which was a miracle because I have a terrible sense of direction and often forget where I park.

I get to my car and have to start getting the crap I’d bought into the trunk.  My hands and feet are freezing, and my head is wet cause I just walked from the other side of this big arse parking lot.  In the midst of my fighting hypothermia my register buddy appears in my peripheral vision.  His car, the one he was looking for, is parked right next to mine.

Your’re thinking, “Girl it was meant to be!”

He jokes about how he should have just followed me. (we both chuckle, chuckle, chuckle)

He mentions the crazy weather again, and how he was unprepared for Hurricane Sandy.  He had, he said, just returned from Botswana or some such place the day before the storm hit.  He’s pastor of a church and he was there doing some missionary work, blah blah blah.

And you’re thinking, “And he’s a man of God? Girl he’s better than the brother from the cereal aisle!”

Well register buddy is still talking.  I think he was telling me some more things about himself.  I can’t say for sure because my thoughts actually tuned him out.  What was I thinking about so hard?

Well it kinda went something like this:

“I bet wherever it was you said you just came from it was warmer than here. You couldn’t have this conversation while we were in Walmart?! Where it was warm! I’M COLD!! Have you not noticed how fast I’m trying to get this shit in the car?  Do you not see and hear my teeth chattering? See watch me blow on my hands! My glasses are so wet I can barely see your ass!”

I guess some sort of frustration (maybe even anger cause I was getting pissed off) must have shown on my face, cause he just sort of stopped in mid thought and said he’ll let me go and for me to have a nice holiday.

Now you’re probably thinking, “Dummy! That could have been your blessing!”

I have to admit that in hindsight I had been thinking the same thing.  BUT!! I also believe that if anybody’s timing is always perfect, it’s God’s.  Wanting to tell me all about yourself while I’m catching pneumonia in the bitter cold is far from perfect timing! How could I possibly focus on register buddy if I’m too concerned about frost bite?!!

I’ve concluded (and this makes me feel soooo much better) that register buddy was just God’s way of ensuring me, and anybody else still looking for their soulmate, that there are still eligible brothas out there. 

So I’m here to spread the word!! To all my single sistas: Don’t give up! Mr. Right is headed your way!!

THE GIFT!

OK, so you got through Thanksgiving. You stood in long lines at Best Buy, Toy-R-Us, Walmart and Target on Black Friday.  You managed to get your son the new Wii U video game system and 2 additional games.  You got your baby girl the Leap Frog reader, and your teenage niece some new Uggs.  That’s not to mention hitting the malls all weekend for clothes, scarves, hats, and gloves for friends, family, co-workers, etc.  You even intend to get a Dunkin Donuts giftcard for the mailman.

And still there’s more to do!! Oh well! Tis the Season!!

But even with all you’ve done, and still need to do, you haven’t bought anything yet for your new boo.

You met him last July at your cousin’s 4^th of July cookout.  Things are going pretty good, but there’ve been a few hiccups along the way.

Like there were a couple of times you two were supposed to be going out and he didn’t show.   He told you he’d fallen asleep.

And the time he spent the night at your house and took his cell phone into the bathroom to take a call at 2:00 o’clock in the morning . 

There have been times when you’ve blown up his cell and texted him like a fiend, but still 3 days went by before you heard from him.

Like I said, hiccups. 

Now Christmas is upon us and you want to get him something truly special.  You spotted a fierce North Face jacket at Nordstroms for $350.00, and the Ralph Lauren store had some really nice sweaters on sale for $50.  You not only want your man to look good, but you want him to know you’re feeling him like that.

You should be hearing tires screeching right now!!!

HAVE YOU LOST YOUR DAMN MIND!! Listen up Boo-Boo, that North Face jacket is not going to make that man want you anymore than he does right now.  In fact, it may just make him want you to spend more money on him!  You don’t truly know the nature of your relationship with this man yet.  If you spend $350 on a jacket and that man shows up with some $5 house slippers or no gift at all, you’ll not only be pissed – you’ll be heartbroken.

There are 3 ways to approach this situation:

DON’T BE SKERD!!: Its time you and Mr. Hiccup had a talk.  Take your big girl pill and a just ask him if he wants to exchange Christmas gifts.  This way, if he says no then you won’t waste your time or money.

SMORGASBORD IT!!: Set a budget for yourself of about $50-$60.  Then unleash your inner bargain shopper! Hit Marshalls, TJ Max, Ross, Kohl’s and any other store you can think of.  Hit the clearance racks at Nordstroms, Bloomingdales, and Sax Fifth Avenue.  Quiet as its kept, these high end stores run some great sales.  Don’t wrap everything in one box, split it up into as many boxes as you can.  He’ll feel like you really went all out to shop for him. 

IF IT’S EATING YOU UP INSIDE: OK!  OK! You feel like you have to buy that North Face jacket….geez! Do the jacket and a small smorgasbord.  Don’t pull the jacket out.  If he shows up with nothing, a basket of bath salts he picked up at PathMark for $10 on his way to your house, or those Family Dollar slippers, you can take North Face back to the store and get your money back!!

The key to the last 2 suggestions is that he gets to open as many boxes as you want to give him.  Let’s just be honest.  Mr. Hiccup may only deserve to open one box.

Now, you may think my suggestions aren’t in the spirit of giving – I can’t disagree with you more! The fact that you wanted to give him a Christmas present is huge in and of itself. 

But take care! Your boo is new to your world, and you don’t really know where you stand in his. 

And let’s face it, that North Face jacket is a “here’s my heart” gift. 

YOUR GRACE PLACE!

A couple of weeks ago I had the pleasure of attending the Newark leg of the “How Sweet The Sound” tour (it’s a national gospel choir competition).  This year, the tour is being hosted by gospel song writer and producer Donald Lawrence, and gospel singer Yolanda Adams.  The judges are Erica Campbell of Mary Mary, Fred Hammond, Bishop Hezekiah Walker and CeCe Winans.  It was a night of great gospel music.  Even Yolanda Adams and the judges performed!  (CeCe Winans has one of the most beautiful voices in all of music in my opinion!) 

Anywho, at one point during the evening Donald Lawrence spoke to the audience about ‘embracing your grace place’.  His point, “When you find your true-grace place things just flow, provision finds you and doors just open.”

I’ve been wanting to blog about this grace place thing since that evening, but the more I thought about it the more questions I had.  The most nagging of which is “How do you find your grace place?” After all, you want to make sure you embrace the right thing. Right?  I mean, your grace place can’t just be something you’re good at.  There are people out there that are very very good at stealing cars. I wouldn’t think that would be their grace place!

So I took to scouring the internet!

Now I didn’t just go surfing willy nilly.  I made sure I had some idea of what I was looking for.  Some of the theological definitions of grace are: (1) the freely given, unmerited favor and love of God; (2) the influence or spirit of God operating in humans to regenerate and strengthen them.

So your grace place will be influenced by God, and presumably, be so pleasing to him that he rains down love, blessings, and opportunities upon you.  You know the “and God saw that it was good” moment.

Well that eliminates the car theft skill!

After days of surfing, I finally came across a sermon titled “Finding Your Grace Place” given by Pastor Obed Martinez of the Destiny Church in Indio, CA.  Pastor Martinez used the story of Jonah and the whale to make his point about finding your grace place.  If you’re like me, all you knew is Jonah ended up in the belly of a whale, and the whale eventually spit him out.  But what had happen was God gave Jonah a task to do, and Jonah left town because he didn’t want to do it.  He bummed a ride on a ship with some friends, and God brought a storm that scared the bewhosits out of everybody.  Jonah knew the other folks were in danger because of him so he jumped overboard and got swallowed by Moby Dick’s grandfather’s brother on his momma side.

 While I thought the sermon was good, it missed the mark for me.  After all, Jonah was told by God where to go and what to do and he was trying to run away from that.  I’m more interested in what if you don’t know what to do.  You don’t know what your assignment is.  Pastor Martinez did however provide some words of wisdom I feel are worth thinking about: 

(1)  God saved you from, so that he could save you for.

(2)  God rescued you so that you can become a rescuer.  But you were not rescued to be a savior.

(3)   God has given each of us an assignment.  When the enemy is attacking you he’s not attacking YOU but he’s attacking your assignment.

(4)  Most of our messes don’t come because of the devil, we give him too much credit.  Most of our messes come because we make decisions based on the pressure of the situation rather than the principles of God.

(5)  When you try to run away from your problems they will eventually show up in the place you ran to.  That is why you have to learn how to deal with your baggage.

(6)  You are never caught in something that can trap you.  God always has an exit strategy.

(7)  Even if you make a decision based on pressure, God will allow that circumstance to come around again so that you will then make a decision based on his principles.  What you think is denied is only delayed.  And the storm you had to go through was there to get you back in the position to make the right decision.

As I was gathering my thoughts for this blog, I was rethinking these words of wisdom from Pastor Martinez.  I now have other questions. (Is it me or does it seem like this spiritual journey has more questions than answers?)

The new questions that come to mind are: Am I supposed to find my grace place? Or does my grace place find me?  Is my assignment my grace place? When Jonah was in the whale’s belly did he eat sushi? Did Moby Dick’s hostility against little old men in boats come as a result of Jonah giving his grandfather’s brother on his momma side a belly ache?

???.....questions!…..questions!…..questions!

It is said that the way to get an answer to my question is to pray on it.

Now that I think about it, God seems to like that.  A LOT!! 

Hey! Could it be that praying - seeking the wisdom and guidance of God in our decision making - is our grace place? Could it be that to pray is embracing your grace place? And could it be that through prayer (our grace place) we learn God’s will (our assignment) for our lives?

Mmmmm…..something to pray on huh?

 

Smelly manners

Dictionary.com provides 3 definitions for the word “etiquette”. One of which is:

“Conventional requirements as to social behavior; proprieties of

conduct as established in any class or community or for any occasion”

In other words, knowing how to act!

Stopped at the gas station.  It’s a station I’ve visited many times before.  There’s a guy at this particular station that usually spends a lot of time flirting with me.  This trip was no different.

Let me say that he isn’t bad looking and has an amazing body.  But he doesn’t have any teeth.  

Correction….he has 3 rotten ones.  

We all know how I feel about teeth.

Any who!

I was the only car at the station so I had his full attention.  

In order to feel the full power of his animal magnetism he has leaned down into my window resting on his very muscular forearms.  I was rather enjoying the whole crowding my personal space with his wide shoulders thing, but focused on his eyes and tried not to look at his mouth. 

BECAUSE HE HAS NO TEETH!! (Sorry)

After about 5 minutes of him trying to convince me to let him show me a good time, I hear a noise.  Actually it sounded like a tire going flat.  I mean it was loud.  I started looking around, but he seemed unconcerned.

Then I learned why.

The smell hit me so hard I almost choked.  His fart smelled like something had crawled up his ass and died!!

It was one of those smells that burns your eyes and gets in your mouth.

I turned the key in the ignition and started rolling up the window.  I nearly took the man’s head off!

I keep febreeze in the car so I started spraying my seats, the air, the dash board, everything!

He thought the whole thing was hilarious.  I thought it was rather disgusting.

I mean, you’re trying hard to get into my pants, so I would think you wouldn’t want me to smell crap (pardon the pun) coming out of yours!  This must be a male thing cause even little boys have a fascination with farts!

Where was the etiquette?  Pretend you need to look at the gas pump or something!

So, the handsome guy with the amazing body…..has no teeth, no sense of etiquette, and something dead in his intestines.

Where is the justice!!

REFOCUS!!

You ever get too caught up in “the living” of your life?

I know how that sounds! But think about it a minute!

Sometimes we get so caught up in “the living” that we don’t really live.

You want a better paying job, and know that you need to go back to school to get it.  You’ve been wanting to go back to get your masters degree.  This past February you researched several programs at nearby colleges, and even some you could do online.  You thought very carefully about how to manage work, school, the kids, the kids activities, everything.  You bought books and programs to prepare for the GRE, and even registered to take the test later this month.

But instead of studying, you’ve spent the summer doing “the living”. You’ve gone on trips with the kids, your crew, and your new boyfriend.  There’ve been cook outs, block parties, amusement parks, and night cruises.  You’ve enjoyed every minute of it.

Now the kids are back in school and its back to the routine.  It suddenly occurs to you that you now only have 19 days till the GRE.  OH MY GOD!  WHERE DID THE TIME GO!  There’s no way you’ll be ready for the test!

My point is, sometimes we get so caught up in “the living” that we lose focus of the big picture that is our life. 

When you started researching schools and gathering studying materials a spirit of change had come over you.  Something in you knew it was time for you transition into a new stage of your life.  That transition cannot occur without you.  A very wise man of God once said “Do not forfeit the blessings of change by avoiding the process of transition.”

Yes! You getting caught up in “the living” is avoiding the transition!!

You walked past those books more than a hundred times this summer.  You moved them from the dining room table, to your bedroom dresser, and eventually to the floor in the corner of the room.  Would it really have been so bad not to go to every summer party, and spend some time studying?  Especially those times the kids were elsewhere?

God made a promise to you, but he needs your help to fulfill it.  He wants you to have that better paying job, so he planted in you the drive to go back to school to get that degree so that you can get that job. 

You were fired up this past February.  You were taking steps you hadn’t before, and they were long overdue.

Don’t get lazy now!  You’re a caterpillar and God wants you to transition into a butterfly.  The process will require some sacrifice and struggle on your part.  It may even be painful at times.  But the beautiful you that emerges will have made it all worthwhile. 

REFOCUS!!

Going fishing!!

There are many factors that go into fishing successfully.  You have to take into consideration the weather, location, the best time of year and day to go after your target fish species, and making sure you have the proper equipment - just to name a few.

When a fish gets caught on a hook it quite naturally struggles to get free.  It may jump, swim around obstacles, or just speed off trying to make a run for it.  The key to successful fishing is not to panic.  When the fish tries to get free don’t start to try to reel it in quickly.  Let the fish do its thing!  Eventually it’ll get tired and then you can reel it in slowly.  Each time it shows there’s more fight left in it, just be patient and reel it in a little more when it gets tired again.

Regardless of what kind of fish you’re after, patience is the key!!

Have you noticed that fishing is a lot like relationships?

There’s a certain someone you’d like to become a permanent fixture in your life, and you’re confident your-love-interest feels the same.  But you’re so afraid they’ll get away that you decide to stake your claim.  You begin to press the issue of a more monogamous and permanent relationship.  To your surprise you’re met with resistance.  Your-love-interest begins to pull away from you.  If you’re not careful you could lose them all together!

Like I said, a lot like fishing!

The hook is the fact that your-love-interest spends time with you, and really seems to enjoy it!  You seem to have all the right equipment – character, personality, intelligence, etc. – that keeps your-love-interest coming back.

Now when fishing, if you try to reel your catch in too quickly you could rip the hook right out of its mouth causing injury.  Ergo, pressing your claim too aggressively could damage your relationship.

It’s only natural for your hooked fish to fight to get free.  When love blind sides us we tend to go on emotional defense.  So you pressing your claim could overwhelm your-love-interest, and trigger the instinct to flee.  Putting emotional, maybe even physical distance between you. 

But if you’re patient, and allow your-love-interest to grow into your relationship, you’ll find in them a partner who can appreciate all you have to offer.  Someone who will gladly stay at your side.

WOULD YOU?

This one is for the ladies!

I like interesting people.  All of my friends, near and far, are interesting people.  When we get together, interesting topics of conversation usually occur.  This past weekend, I got together with some friends, and true to form, the conversation covered some interesting things.

The topic that came up?

“What if your perfect maintenance man was a woman?”

Ok. Ok. Maybe I should have eased into that a little bit.  Some of you are choking on your afternoon coffee, or those M&M’s you got from the vending machine to help fight the 3:00 o’clock sleepies.  So I’ll give you a minute to collect yourself. 

Ready?  Here it is again: “What if your perfect maintenance man was a woman?”

I can hear you all: “Ewwww!!!”  “What has she been smoking?”  “That’s just sick!!”  (I know that’s what you’re doing cause that’s what we did :-D)

Now that you’ve gotten that off your chest, we can have an honest discussion.  Here’s a scenario:

You’ve been approached several times by a woman who has let you know that she finds you very attractive.  She would like to spend some time with you; preferably in bed.  She will do whatever you want and will allow.  There will be no pressure for a relationship or repeat performance.  Eventually you agree, and meet her at a hotel.  You found the experience quite satisfying.  (Ok you admit she was good.) Before you part ways she lets you know how much she enjoyed you, and that she’s available whenever you need.  Afterwards, she doesn’t start bombarding you with calls, or spreading the word the two of you were together.  There’s no discussion of the experience on her facebook page or anywhere else.  She’s all about privacy and discretion.   

Got it!

Would you prefer she was someone not ready to step out of the closet, so you’d know your encounter would be a well kept secret?

Would she need to be someone you know very well, or someone you’re only barely acquainted with?

If she’s a girly girl, would that be too much like being with….well…a woman?

Would she need to be more masculine so that you would feel more like you’re with a guy?   

When you’re with man, you’re a participating lover.  You like to kiss, lick, and taste him.  Would you be a “participator” with a female lover?  Or is the idea of touching or kissing her a little too repulsive?

Would you want to lie there with your eyes closed, fists balled up in the bedspread letting her do what she wants, while you pretend she’s someone else?  An ex-boyfriend maybe?

If you took another woman as a lover, does that make you gay?  Or would it simply mean that you are open to different possibilities for sexual gratification?

According to Sigmund Freud “in general to undertake to convert a fully developed homosexual into a heterosexual does not offer much more prospect of success than the reverse.” (The Psychogenesis of a Case of Homosexuality in a Woman) (1920)

Considering taking that woman up on her offer? Make sure your secret is safe with her!!!

THE KISS

Remember the first time you tried kissing?  You were probably about 12, and did it like you saw in the movies.  In today’s movies its practically all open mouth, but back in the day it was putting your lips together and twisting your head back and forth.  (-}{-)

You didn’t know what the heck you were doing! LOLOLOL

Now you’re all growed up and hopefully you’re better at it!

I say hopefully cause we know some folk still need some lessons. 

Afraid of the Dark – He doesn’t close his eyes.  You’re trying to get into the kiss but you can feel somebody staring at you.  You start to get creeped out so you open your eyes.  You practically jump back screaming cause his two orbs right up in your face just scared the bejesus out of you!

Fish Lips – He must have just sucked on a lemon cause he’s trying to tongue kiss you with his lips all puckered up.  Your access is this little hole his tongue keeps darting in and out of.  You can get so frustrated you just wanna say “Ok let’s just skip this part!”

Slobber Duck – Controlling your saliva is key to good kissing technique.  So imagine your surprise when the slobber duck gets to you.  And slobber ducks are enthusiastic kissers!  He’s tongued your mouth, your jaw, your chin, your nose; everywhere.  By the time he’s done your face is soak and wet.  You wanna to take a shower!

Extra Dry – What to say? This kiss has no tongue. No saliva.  No nuttin’!  Your mouths just come together for a second, then apart, then together.  You look like two fish gulping for air.  

Zorro – Your faces are pressed together….hard!…..and your tongues battle for supremacy.  This kiss is like a sword fight.  En Garde! He attacks! You counter attack! He advances by pressing his face even harder into yours.  You give ground to give yourself more fighting room! (Your face is starting to hurt dammit!)

I’m Hungry – He keeps trying to scrunch more and more of your face into his mouth.  Is he trying to eat you? His mouth is moving so much you keep hitting his teeth. And he’s sucking on your mouth so hard it feels like he’s trying to rip your tongue out.  You’re screaming in your head “No wait I need that!”    

The Expert – His kiss is sensual and probing.  He wants to taste you.  His tongue teases and strokes, coaxing yours into a sensual dance with his.  His kiss giving you an idea of what it would be like in bed with him.  A promise of ultimate pleasure.  Leaving you breathless and tingly.

(Woo! We need more fans in here!)

Friends or no

Talked to a friend the other day who finds herself in a situation that’s not that uncommon.  Her situation does however have a surprising twist, so I figured I’d put it out in the blogisphere.

Let’s call my friend Maggie.

Maggie’s been dating a guy for several months (we’ll call him Joe), and her emotions are getting involved.  She says she’s not in love with him, but very much “in-like” with him and would like for their bond to get tighter.

OK.  

Joe apparently sensed Maggie’s growing emotional attachment and went on offense. 

He took her out for a nice dinner, and a long walk by the water.  (A romantic!) During their water side stroll Joe voiced his suspicions and concerns regarding their “relationship”.  He apparently enjoys her company, in and out of the sack, and would like for them to continue seeing each other.  But as friends! 

OUCH!

As you can imagine, Maggie is not feeling very magnanimous right now.  She’s extremely angry with Joe, and his picture is the target on the dart board. 

Let me admit right now that I don’t have the emotional involvement that Maggie does so this is easy for me to say.  I will also admit that if it were me, I would probably be feeling the same way Maggie is.  But hopefully one of my friends would give me an  objective opinion, and help me to reel in my emotions and put things in perspective. 

Having said that, I think her anger is misdirected.

Let’s all recognize that Joe could have allowed Maggie’s emotional attachment to him to blossom, knowing he didn’t feel the same way, and then taken advantage of her.  But he didn’t!

He has so much respect for Maggie that he was honest with her!  Kudos to him!

How many times have you been in Maggie’s situation only to discover the object of your affection isn’t returning the favor?  Or, he tells you what you want to hear so he can get what he wants? You can spend months, even years, wondering: Is you is or is you ain’t my baby!

I say to my friend Maggie, and to anyone else in a similar situation, if you can’t handle just being friends then end the relationship.  Stop seeing him!!  Don’t put you or him through that emotional turmoil.  It’s not worth it!

But if you can see through the haze and keep your emotions in check, you can continue to enjoy the company of what sounds like a really nice guy, while you continue your search for that special somebody.

 Are Maggie’s feelings hurt?  Hellz yeah! 

But isn’t it infinitely better to have your feelings hurt than to have your heart broken?