THE KISS

Remember the first time you tried kissing?  You were probably about 12, and did it like you saw in the movies.  In today’s movies its practically all open mouth, but back in the day it was putting your lips together and twisting your head back and forth.  (-}{-)

You didn’t know what the heck you were doing! LOLOLOL

Now you’re all growed up and hopefully you’re better at it!

I say hopefully cause we know some folk still need some lessons. 

Afraid of the Dark – He doesn’t close his eyes.  You’re trying to get into the kiss but you can feel somebody staring at you.  You start to get creeped out so you open your eyes.  You practically jump back screaming cause his two orbs right up in your face just scared the bejesus out of you!

Fish Lips – He must have just sucked on a lemon cause he’s trying to tongue kiss you with his lips all puckered up.  Your access is this little hole his tongue keeps darting in and out of.  You can get so frustrated you just wanna say “Ok let’s just skip this part!”

Slobber Duck – Controlling your saliva is key to good kissing technique.  So imagine your surprise when the slobber duck gets to you.  And slobber ducks are enthusiastic kissers!  He’s tongued your mouth, your jaw, your chin, your nose; everywhere.  By the time he’s done your face is soak and wet.  You wanna to take a shower!

Extra Dry – What to say? This kiss has no tongue. No saliva.  No nuttin’!  Your mouths just come together for a second, then apart, then together.  You look like two fish gulping for air.  

Zorro – Your faces are pressed together….hard!…..and your tongues battle for supremacy.  This kiss is like a sword fight.  En Garde! He attacks! You counter attack! He advances by pressing his face even harder into yours.  You give ground to give yourself more fighting room! (Your face is starting to hurt dammit!)

I’m Hungry – He keeps trying to scrunch more and more of your face into his mouth.  Is he trying to eat you? His mouth is moving so much you keep hitting his teeth. And he’s sucking on your mouth so hard it feels like he’s trying to rip your tongue out.  You’re screaming in your head “No wait I need that!”    

The Expert – His kiss is sensual and probing.  He wants to taste you.  His tongue teases and strokes, coaxing yours into a sensual dance with his.  His kiss giving you an idea of what it would be like in bed with him.  A promise of ultimate pleasure.  Leaving you breathless and tingly.

(Woo! We need more fans in here!)

Friends or no

Talked to a friend the other day who finds herself in a situation that’s not that uncommon.  Her situation does however have a surprising twist, so I figured I’d put it out in the blogisphere.

Let’s call my friend Maggie.

Maggie’s been dating a guy for several months (we’ll call him Joe), and her emotions are getting involved.  She says she’s not in love with him, but very much “in-like” with him and would like for their bond to get tighter.

OK.  

Joe apparently sensed Maggie’s growing emotional attachment and went on offense. 

He took her out for a nice dinner, and a long walk by the water.  (A romantic!) During their water side stroll Joe voiced his suspicions and concerns regarding their “relationship”.  He apparently enjoys her company, in and out of the sack, and would like for them to continue seeing each other.  But as friends! 

OUCH!

As you can imagine, Maggie is not feeling very magnanimous right now.  She’s extremely angry with Joe, and his picture is the target on the dart board. 

Let me admit right now that I don’t have the emotional involvement that Maggie does so this is easy for me to say.  I will also admit that if it were me, I would probably be feeling the same way Maggie is.  But hopefully one of my friends would give me an  objective opinion, and help me to reel in my emotions and put things in perspective. 

Having said that, I think her anger is misdirected.

Let’s all recognize that Joe could have allowed Maggie’s emotional attachment to him to blossom, knowing he didn’t feel the same way, and then taken advantage of her.  But he didn’t!

He has so much respect for Maggie that he was honest with her!  Kudos to him!

How many times have you been in Maggie’s situation only to discover the object of your affection isn’t returning the favor?  Or, he tells you what you want to hear so he can get what he wants? You can spend months, even years, wondering: Is you is or is you ain’t my baby!

I say to my friend Maggie, and to anyone else in a similar situation, if you can’t handle just being friends then end the relationship.  Stop seeing him!!  Don’t put you or him through that emotional turmoil.  It’s not worth it!

But if you can see through the haze and keep your emotions in check, you can continue to enjoy the company of what sounds like a really nice guy, while you continue your search for that special somebody.

 Are Maggie’s feelings hurt?  Hellz yeah! 

But isn’t it infinitely better to have your feelings hurt than to have your heart broken?

 

Faith

An interesting thought occurred to me the other day.  Here’s the scenario:

You’re the head of Human Resources for an international company.  The company president is in need of a personal assistant, and has made you fully responsible for filling the position, and will except whomever you choose.  Age and gender are irrelevant.  The person need only meet certain skill requirements.  Because the candidate may need to prepare documents at a moments’ notice, he or she must be able to type a minimum of 65 words per minute.

You’re reviewing applications and resumes and you come across one that gives you pause.  The candidate:

Name:   Yahweh Elohim  [Translation (not completely accurate I’m sure):  I am God]

Date of birth:   The beginning.

Most valuable attributes:  Eternal; Unchanging; Impassable; Infinite; All-powerful; Everywhere-present; All-wise; All-knowing; Simple; Self-existent; Self-sufficient; Good; Gracious; Merciful; Just

Employment history:   Creator of the universe

   Creator of man and woman

   Alpha and Omega

   Lord of Hosts

   Lord of Lords

Typing skill:   35 words per minute

Quite naturally there’s a lot going through your mind:  WOW!!  If I can bring God on board as the assistant, I’d be able to write my own ticket in this company.  But his typing is way off! 

What will he look like? Will he be too old for the position?  Will his other responsibilities interfere with his work?  I bet he’s arrogant! He’ll probably use some sort of mind control power on me! If he’s hired will the company think they don’t need me anymore? Should I ask him about my future or why he allows suffering in the world?

You’re sitting at the conference room table, waiting to interview Yahweh Elohim.  The door opens, he walks in, and he’s not at all what you expected.  No old man with flowing white hair and beard.  He truly made man in his own image!!  The man in front of you:

Height:    about 6’3”

Age:   late 40’s early 50’s

Skin color:   dark cocoa (Idris Elba)

Body type:   powerful chest and arms (Michael Jai White)

Walk:   brotha strut (Barack Obama) with smooth glide (Denzel Washingon)

Hair and beard:   dark brown, cut close and neat around sensual lips (Morris Chestnut)

Eyes: light hazel (Terrance Howard)  – as if they can’t go dark because of a light from within him 

His stare:  both draws you in and captivates you (Khalil Kain)

His smile: lights up his face and the entire room (Taye Diggs)

*Need a minute to lower your heart rates? LOL*

Back to the interview:

You choose the professional route.  After an extensive question and answer period, you get around to his typing skills.  You tell him they’re way below the minimum required.  With a chuckle he acknowledges the truth in that, but assures you he’ll be able to complete any document in plenty of time.

Decision time: You like him! But, could the typing prove problematic? WHAT TO DO?!

I know there’s some HR person out there thinking: “God or not he doesn’t meet the requirements, and it could cost you your job if he can’t get something done and the President discovers he can only type 35 words a minute!  Tell him you’ll keep his resume on file.”

There is just as likely someone else out there thinking:”You had the audacity to interview God?  You should have hired him just because he’s God.  You were lucky he didn’t strike you down with a lightning bolt!”

Still, some of you may not be sure what to do.  You want to make the right decision for the company.  You don’t want to offend God.  And you’re not sure you can accomplish both.

I say hire him! (LOL…not just because I described eye candy!)  I got one word for you: FAITH.  Hire him on faith.  His employment history is impressive.  Surely the Lord of Lords could get a letter done!

If you need more assurances open a bible! You know how people post a lot about themselves on facebook?  Well think of the bible as God’s facebook page.  There is so much information about him in that one resource.  In it, you’ll find countless tales of him accomplishing unbelievable tasks, and coming through just as promised.  You’ll find stories about people like yourself, who had an opportunity to talk with him, and were forever changed by the encounter.

Yahweh Elohim, hired on faith, will never let you down.

Faith! Do you have it?            

MISERY LOVES COMPANY!

Ever been around a miserable person? I’m not talking about the one with the abusive spouse, overbearing parent, a child determined to be a juvenile delinquent, or seems to be under constant financial stress and living paycheck-to-paycheck (which when you think about it, is most of us to one degree or another).

I’m talking about the person whose misery is due to loneliness, bitterness, and jealousy.  They can be difficult to spot sometimes.  They can often appear friendly, comforting and understanding.  But, if you watch what they do, or listen very closely to the things they say, you can pick up on their brand of misery.  Let’s call them “Mics”.

The Mic never wants to see others get ahead or be happy.  Why would they want that? If the Mic is miserable then everyone else should be too.    

You saved money for nearly a year, even took a part-time job, to be able to take that 7 day vacation in Richmond, VA.  You and friend were determined to stay at the luxurious Thomas Jefferson Hotel.  Yeah you travelled by train. But you took the Acela Express.  You even made arrangements for a private car to pick you up.  The hotel alone was $850 a night.  You bought new clothes, and looked like new money.  You were doing you with style! Other than your hotel room, you didn’t spend nearly as much as you’d thought because you met a fine brotha (an engineer) who showed you a wonderful time, and knocked the soles off your Dolce & Gabbana shoes.  You’ve only been back for 2 weeks and he’s already paid for your ticket to come back and spend a weekend with him.  You’re feeling great!!

The Mic, smile planted in place and false enthusiasm spilling over, is seething.  How dare you treat yourself to such a trip? Who are you that you should go away and have such a wonderful time? Treat yourself to such splendor? And you met somebody? And he’s sending for you?

You see, the Mic doesn’t think you deserve any of this.  Oh not because you’re a bad person or anything, but because the Mic hasn’t done it, or can’t do it.  The Mic is either alone or with someone their unhappy with.  

You must always remember that misery truly does love company.  The Mic doesn’t want to see you happy – or anyone else for that matter.  This may even cause the Mic physical pain.  Like when the Grinch would hear the Whos singing.  When you were unhappy the Mic was – for lack of a better word – happy.  The Mic is miserable, you’re unhappy, so all is right with the world!

Never let the Mic take you down.  Laugh through your situation!  Pray on it! Do whatever it takes! But be determined NOT to keep misery company.

You’ve got a life to live! It ain’t always perfect, but dammit live the best you can!

Hmmmm….maybe we should start a “Fight the Mic” club….with a secret “live life good” handshake….LOLOLOL