A Toilet Seat Issue

The feedback from the “Faux Pas” blog has been very interesting.  It has created a spirited dialogue.  That’s good!  Some of you were even angry:

“How dare he!”

“He has control issues!”

“She should tell him to kiss her ass!”

“Next he’ll be telling her what to order….fuck ‘em!!”

Such pent-up hostility!

Let me see if I can quell the storm here.  Ladies, this is a toilet seat issue.

Remember when you and your man first hooked up and he kept leaving the toilet seat up?  You’d fuss about falling in and getting all wet.  After a time, he began to make sure the toilet seat was down.

Now right now, some of you have your lips all pursed, one eye brow raised, chest stuck out, and maybe even your arms crossed.  The whole look that says:

“He knows he’d better put the seat down!”

“He know the deal! I’ll cuss his ass out!”

“He knows I ain’t playing that crap up in here!”

Well, before you get too caught up in your Napoleon Bonaparte fantasy let me tell you the reality going on around you.

The truth is, if you were dealing with an issue that was very important to your man, he wouldn’t give a rats ass about your fussing!!

He puts the toilet seat down because it costs him nothing to do so.  He doesn’t lose any dignity or self respect, and it can keep a pleasant evening – pleasant.  In point of fact, you parading around thinking he puts the seat down because of some imaginary control you think you have doesn’t cost him anything either.  So he lets you remain delusional. 

It’s just a toilet seat.

So, giving his name to the hostess as the one to be called is a minor courtesy.  A toilet seat issue.

But if it makes him feel good about “him”, about “you”, or about the “us” factor, then why not do it?  It costs you nothing.

And the rewards at the end of the night resulting from your extending this small courtesy?  Let’s just say

mmmmmmm……..

The Alpha Male

How many times have you met a guy who treats you like a queen, is rarely argumentative, wants to spend time with you, is considerate in all things when it comes to you, lets you do pretty much anything you want, and tends to just stay quiet when you’re on a rampage?  He sort of goes along to get along.  The proverbial nice guy.  You're willing to stand on top of a mountain and profess to the world that he’s wonderful. 

But he’s not enough.

Everyone thinks you’re crazy!  Sometimes you agree with them.

There is a reality some of us have to deal with --- we need the Alpha Male.

Who is he?

He’s the man comfortable with your strength and independence, but knows when and how to reel you in.  

He’s the man willing to let you be the warrior princess in the eyes of the world.  But when you’re overwhelmed he’ll step in, put his arms around you, and whisper in your ear “Shhhhhh….I’ve got you and won’t let you fall.”

He’s the man who knows how to be assertive with you without being aggressive.

He’s the man that knows how to subtly remind you that you’re talking to a man, not a boy, when your tongue gets away from you.  

He’s the man who knows how to use his body to cage you when he sees the need for flight in your eyes because you don’t want to face head on some issue between the two of you.

He’s the man you let drive – and I’m not talking about your car.

He’s the man who handles his business, and is there to help you handle yours.

He’s the man who has your back, and you rely on his strength.

He’s the man that can be silly and romantic, but the strength of his character is always present in the room.

He’s the man who needs to hold you at night not just for you, but because he draws his strength from your belief and trust in him.

He’s the man to whom you vow never to submit but he knows you already have, and realizing it doesn’t cost him anything to let you believe that you haven't, he has enough confidence not to make it an issue.

And on top of all this…….he’s a really really nice guy!!

JUST BECAUSE!

What do you want in a man?

The usual answers are someone who’s sensitive, a romantic….blah, blah, blah.

I’ve decided that I have a name for what I want in a man….” Just Because”

That sums it all up for me!

I want my man to want to give me a hot oil massage….just because.

I want my man to make sure the bills are paid….just because.

I want my man to make sure my car is well maintained….just because.

I want my man to make sure my cell phone is charged….just because.

I want my man to send me flowers.…no bump that, I think a single long stemmed rose is sexier.…just because.

write poetry to me, even if it’s awful….just because.

want us to get away for the weekend….just because.

want him to take long walks with me….just because.

be faithful….just because

cook me dinner….just because

pray for me….just because

pray for us….just because

hold my hand….just because

kiss me….just because

I don’t want my man to do things for me because it’s my birthday, Valentines Day, Christmas, our anniversary, or some other specially recognized event! 

I want him to do these things…. JUST BECAUSE HE LOVES ME!!!

Faux Pas

HEY THERE!! I haven’t blogged in a really long time. I can assure you that it’s not because I didn’t have anything to talk about, but sometimes life gets in the way, or you’re faced with something you need to work out on your own without outside influences.  But today, I have something we should discuss.

Recently, a friend of mine was out on a date and was confronted with an interesting problem.  Scenario:  Her date dropped her off at the door of the restaurant while he parked the car.  She let the hostess know she would need a table for two, was told there would be a 15 minute wait, and gave the hostess her name.

Simple right?

Her date didn’t think so!! In fact, he was upset that she hadn’t given the hostess his name – because he’s “the man”.  I admit I’d never heard of such a thing.  The idea is to get a table to eat, regardless of whose name is called. Right?

Over thinking this, as I tend to do, I came up with the following:

CULTURAL DIFFERENCES:  I only mention this because my friend’s date is from the south.  Some of her female friends from the south agree she should have given the guy’s name because that’s the way it’s supposed to be done – according to them.  However, her northern friends – like me – saw nothing wrong with what she did.

DATING FAUX PAS:  Not giving the man’s name as the one to be called when the table is ready may be a little too independent.  Even as we (woman) continue to fight for equal rights and treatment, we still like it when a guy holds the door for us.  In other words, we still enjoy all those little things that make us feel feminine, sexy, cherished.  So maybe guys like those things that somehow make them feel masculine, strong, and in charge.

CONTROL ISSUE: Based on things my friend has shared with me,  her date wants to be a permanent fixture in her life.  As a result, he could have seen her perceived faux pas as an indication that she doesn’t feel the same.  It may seem that by giving his name it would establish that they're “together”.  That she belongs to him.  This not only helps to establish his position in her world in his mind, but presumably in hers.  If she thinks of him as “the man” long enough, it wouldn’t be a big jump to being “her man”.  These types of psychological games are rarely planned, or even done consciously.  But the desired end goal is the same.

THE EMASCULATION: I know! I know! You’re thinking, “She can’t be serious!!”  But stay with me for a moment.  As I mentioned before, there are things that we enjoy having men do for us because it makes us feel even more feminine, sexy, and cherished.  We like when our men lick their lips because we’re parading around in a negligee.  It’s ok to admit that! So maybe, just maybe, something so small as giving his name to the hostess makes him feel not just like “the man”, but “a man”.  Do we unknowingly, sometimes, emasculate our men? Increase their insecurities?

Mmmmm……something to think about. 

So the next time you’re out on a date, try to be a little more observant and conscientious in the things you do.  Leave the door open for him to take the lead.  I don’t have a problem with making sure I do whatever it takes to treat him like “a man”, while he concentrates on trying to become “my man”!