REALITY CHECK

As life would have it, you’re always going through something.  There are always difficulties, stresses, drama, or even just simple annoyances.  The events in your life could range from worrying how to feed your children to not being able to find the scarf that matches your blouse.

Some of these things are caused by external factors beyond your control, and some by you.  Some the result of your own actions and thought processes. 

Take relationships for instance.  Your partner or significant other is not the person you thought they were.  As a result, the relationship cannot last.  If you stay in it it will destroy you.  You’re hurt and disappointed.

What if some of the hurt and disappointment is of your own making? 

Yeah, I’m playing devil’s advocate here but stay with me.

Your hurt and disappointment may be the result of your partner or significant other not living up to the “idea” of them that you fabricated in your own mind. A fabrication they neither asked for nor encouraged.

Your car seems to be running a little hot. Your husband should check the oil and coolant levels, or take it to the shop.  He should do these things because he’s “the man” and it’s his responsibility to take care of and provide for you.  In your mind, this perfect husband would say “Here babe you take my car and I’ll take yours to the shop.”  

You’ve been watching waaaay too many Tyler Perry movies!

That man didn’t put oil and coolant in his car until the engine overheated and started smoking.  The check engine light in his car came on and he ignored it until the car finally died on the side of the road.

And you think he’ll take care of yours? REALLY?

This is a mild example of what we sometimes do, but it makes my point nonetheless.  You attempted to imprint the “idea” of that perfect husband on to someone far from perfect.  That potential to be the person you want or need.  YOUR idea!

You’re hurt and disappointed because you fail to accept that man the way he is.  You ignored the signs, or thought you could mold him into what YOU want him to be.  The fact is, you knew what you were getting.  No matter how hard you wish on it that cubic zirconia in your hand will always be a cubic zirconia.  It will not magically become a diamond.

I’m not suggesting that people can’t change! I’m not suggesting that the right person can’t make another want to be better.  Do better.  But that man has never tried to elevate himself to your fantasy levels.  If he never cared about your sexual gratification after 2 years of bumping uglies while you were dating, how on earth can you still be holding that over his head after 17 years of marriage?  He should look at you like you’re crazy!

So, as you take stock of the relationship, ask yourself if some of his perceived failures or shortcomings are more the result of your “idea” of him.  You may even find that if you’d accepted him just the way he is from the very beginning, you probably never would have married him.