Faux Pas

HEY THERE!! I haven’t blogged in a really long time. I can assure you that it’s not because I didn’t have anything to talk about, but sometimes life gets in the way, or you’re faced with something you need to work out on your own without outside influences.  But today, I have something we should discuss.

Recently, a friend of mine was out on a date and was confronted with an interesting problem.  Scenario:  Her date dropped her off at the door of the restaurant while he parked the car.  She let the hostess know she would need a table for two, was told there would be a 15 minute wait, and gave the hostess her name.

Simple right?

Her date didn’t think so!! In fact, he was upset that she hadn’t given the hostess his name – because he’s “the man”.  I admit I’d never heard of such a thing.  The idea is to get a table to eat, regardless of whose name is called. Right?

Over thinking this, as I tend to do, I came up with the following:

CULTURAL DIFFERENCES:  I only mention this because my friend’s date is from the south.  Some of her female friends from the south agree she should have given the guy’s name because that’s the way it’s supposed to be done – according to them.  However, her northern friends – like me – saw nothing wrong with what she did.

DATING FAUX PAS:  Not giving the man’s name as the one to be called when the table is ready may be a little too independent.  Even as we (woman) continue to fight for equal rights and treatment, we still like it when a guy holds the door for us.  In other words, we still enjoy all those little things that make us feel feminine, sexy, cherished.  So maybe guys like those things that somehow make them feel masculine, strong, and in charge.

CONTROL ISSUE: Based on things my friend has shared with me,  her date wants to be a permanent fixture in her life.  As a result, he could have seen her perceived faux pas as an indication that she doesn’t feel the same.  It may seem that by giving his name it would establish that they're “together”.  That she belongs to him.  This not only helps to establish his position in her world in his mind, but presumably in hers.  If she thinks of him as “the man” long enough, it wouldn’t be a big jump to being “her man”.  These types of psychological games are rarely planned, or even done consciously.  But the desired end goal is the same.

THE EMASCULATION: I know! I know! You’re thinking, “She can’t be serious!!”  But stay with me for a moment.  As I mentioned before, there are things that we enjoy having men do for us because it makes us feel even more feminine, sexy, and cherished.  We like when our men lick their lips because we’re parading around in a negligee.  It’s ok to admit that! So maybe, just maybe, something so small as giving his name to the hostess makes him feel not just like “the man”, but “a man”.  Do we unknowingly, sometimes, emasculate our men? Increase their insecurities?

Mmmmm……something to think about. 

So the next time you’re out on a date, try to be a little more observant and conscientious in the things you do.  Leave the door open for him to take the lead.  I don’t have a problem with making sure I do whatever it takes to treat him like “a man”, while he concentrates on trying to become “my man”!