When you lived with Haneef the only time you were certain to get his part of the bill money was to show up at his job on payday, and be with him when the secretary handed him his check. When you dated Marcus he never had money to take you anywhere because he was supposedly helping his sister with her bills, so you paid for everything. When the sister put him out you learned it was because he could never keep a job, never had money, and had taken to stealing and pawning her jewelry. You’ve been living with Clay now for three months. You make him take you out every weekend, and are quick to order the most expensive thing on the menu. “He won’t get off cheap”, is your thinking. You show up at his job on paydays to make sure you get his half of the bill money. He’s asked you repeatedly to stop doing that. It’s embarrassing.
The problem is you can’t help it. Clay has handled his business from the start. He had his own place when you met him, and had offered to have you move in with him. But you wanted to be on your turf. You treat him the way you do because you’re still carrying baggage from your previous relationships.
The only good thing that came out of your marriage was your two beautiful children. You vowed you would never get married again. You’ve been living with Nate for 15 years. The two of you are living together as if you’re married; own the house together and have a son together. He treats your two older children as if they were his. A Good Man. He’s asked you numerous times to marry him. He’s really starting to press the issue because to him your refusal means that even after all this time you aren’t committed to the relationship. You’re so busy toting around the baggage from your first marriage that you’re jeopardizing the good thing that you have with him.
Each relationship is a learning experience, and we should take from them lessons about ourselves. But why do we want to punish our current partner for the misdeed of past partners?
Here’s an idea. It’s a rather dramatic one so you may want to sit down and hold on to something. Here goes: Leave the baggage behind.
I know! I know! I must be smoking something right?
I won’t even get into the unfairness to your new love interest, but what about the unfairness to you. If you’re busy being angry, bitter, and vengeful about the way some guy in your past treated you, or the path a relationship took, how can you possibly focus on finding the man that’s right for you? Your behavior may help lead Mr. Right right on out the door.
Learn what you must from every relationship. If you had to show up at Haneef’s job then clearly he was irresponsible. Is this someone you want to have to depend on should you become ill or incapacitated in some way? You could have dumped Marcus right away, it’s not like he was really bringing anything to the relationship. And if he was stealing from his sister, the one who kept a roof over his head, you might want to check your own jewelry box.
Trust your new man until he gives a reason not to. Let him show you the type of man he is.
Leave your baggage at the door!!
I am a victim in this world also to neglecting myself for a man. I did not think I was neglecting myself. I always seen other women neglecting their self for a man but not me. I also live with a man who would get paid ever Wednesday, Would buy dinner & drinks. When I would say where is the rent money. He try to deduct what he spend on me for dinner and drinks. I left him get away with this a few times, until I put him out. I did not put up with this for long. A man will do only what you let him do. You have to establish rules from the door. It took me 45 years. I don't care if it take me another 45 years I will be a long before I let another man walk all over me
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